The Invasion of boundaries

Trauma survivors often have experienced an invasion of emotional and physical boundaries, which is the residue of power and control imposed on them. A boundary is defined as a way of limit setting where clients identify the emotional and physical space that feels safe to them. While incorporating boundaries, clients try to meet their needs while practicing self-care and caring for others. Although essential for maintaining a healthy relationship, boundaries are often challenging to define and practice. Our client’s history holds no frame of reference for voice choice and is often saturated with collective trauma that has overridden the right to practice setting boundaries. While supporting trauma survivors, it is essential to facilitate a conversation where the two building blocks of boundaries are explored:

• The first building block in setting boundaries is supporting the clients to organize their inner narratives, identify their own needs, and communicate such needs to the world around them. This process can be anxiety-provoking to clients as they have little to no practice holding space for their wishes and setting boundaries to meet such needs. Here are some practical ways we can encourage clients to implement as they embark on this process.

• Normalize and validate the importance of boundary setting

• If needed, participate in a role-play to help alleviate the client’s anxious feelings.

• Remind clients that setting boundaries can ultimately translate to a sense of safety and self-care.

• Help clients ground themselves in the meaning of the boundary they would like to hold.

• The second building block of setting a boundary is being able to sit with the ambiguity of how the world around them responds to their limit setting. Clients may assume that once they present their needs, they will receive what they asked for, which may or may not be accurate. It is essential to remind them that once their needs are communicated, they have no control over how the receiving end would respond to their wish. Providing clients with the following ideas can help support any discomfort they might feel as they intentionally set boundaries.

• Help them identify what they have control over.

• Encourage them to be present in the “here and now.”

• Remind them to take care of their body as they sit with the ambiguity

  • Resting

  • Physical movement such as walking

  • Eating comforting and nutritious food

  • Drinking plenty of water

  • Mindfulness practices such as breathing and/or meditation

• Gently wrestling with the concept of not knowing by practicing self-

  compassion

  • Using affirmations

  • Talking to themselves as they would talk to a loved one

  • Journaling on gratitude

  • Remembering that “no feeling is final.”

  • Asking for help

As a reminder, setting boundaries is a skill that requires ample practice before clients can fully internalize the concept. As their supporters, we can help our clients fully embrace a life of boundary-setting where they can feel a sense of safety, autonomy, and liberation.

Written by Pouneh A. & Debbie C.

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